Social Media

Photo by ipopba/iStock / Getty Images

It may be an unknown thing to a lot of people, but I am an introvert. My favourite thing in the world is to be alone.

It energises me.

I do enjoy socialising, partying, going out and doing spontaneous activities and adventures. It's just that after, I need to unwind, decompress and be by myself to recharge. Cocoon for a while, if you will, then I can be a social butterfly again.

At the start of the year (2019), I noticed that I had felt like I couldn't do that. I spent ages trying to figure out why.

Then it dawned on me.

So I was born in '85. I grew up in the '90s and was a young teenager when mobile phones and the internet became accessible for most "every day" families in Australia. My dad was the only one in the family who had a mobile phone, and it resembled a thin brick and was quite heavy. When I was in my late teens, MSN chat was becoming huge; it was still dial-up internet - and if my family needed the phone, I had to get off the computer. I did have my own mobile at this point. The Nokia 3210, a hand me down from my parents. Text and calls were all it could do, and texting wasn't huge because not all my friends had phones. Home phones were the primary source of voice calls - mobiles were more used for away from home. There were some times that I didn't use my mobile until the weekend.

By 19, I had purchased my own mobile, a flip phone. That had a coloured screen (still very pixelated) and a few games on it. Apps weren't around yet, and it basically was used to just text or call and ease boredom in waiting rooms as I edited basic phone pics ("oh look, I can make all these pics black and white" kinda thing) or played games like 'snake'. It always felt odd taking a picture with my phone; I mean, it was a phone, not a camera! I still took my camera with me everywhere to take photos; phone pics just didn't cut it.

When I was in my early 20's MySpace was the latest thing, accessed only on computers. There were whispers of FB, but MySpace was where it was at. You could customise your page with cute links, pictures and even play music as people clicked on your MySpace profile. It was a way to show a very curated version of yourself, and everyone was adding each other and checking daily to see where they sat on the "top friends" list… it could get quite cutthroat!

I was living in Cronulla with my younger sister then, and the only time I could check MySpace was when I got home from work or on the weekends. You would go on for an hour or two, update a few things - snoop on cute boy's profiles and then be done with it for a while.

Around 23, I got an iPhone. It was crazy! Hellooooooo apps! Tetris, car race games, sudoku - useful picture editing apps, a camera on my phone that was just as good as an actual camera (well, almost), but it meant that I could start to leave the camera at home and ease up some room in my bag when going out.

MySpace was fading out. FB was getting bigger amongst our group of friends… we would virtually throw 'sheep' or 'poke' each other to let everyone know when we were online or wanted to chat. Phone calls and texting were your primary way of communicating. It wasn't until FB started asking us "what are you doing" and then later "what's on your mind" that people started posting content on their profiles and others. It was all pretty exciting and new.

We soon learnt that people abuse or misuse these prompts, sharing personal things, like fights with partners or parents. They were airing dirty laundry or disclosing secrets or information they shouldn't (dramaaaaa). Not everyone was misusing it, but just posting everything and every little tidbit of their life - the good, bad and occasionally the ugly.

Now, please understand me - there is nothing wrong with sharing, and for many people, it is a way to connect and reach out. Heck, I do it through blogging.

However, I did realise for someone like me, who needs to be alone to recharge, seeing everyone's lives being displayed on Social Media meant that I wasn't getting the downtime that my brain needed.

Maybe it's because of the era I grew up in, which is why I tried to explain it a bit. Where we have slowly (well, maybe not that slowly) been exposed to more and more of people's lives.

We don't need to ask what people did on the weekend. We saw it.

How was the wedding? Oh, it's ok. I already saw all the pics.

Children don't have to tell their grandparents about their achievement when they see them in person because mum or dad already posted it up.

Again, I'm not saying any of this is terrible.

I am saying that I am missing human connection and not getting a break from everyone at the same time.

So, I muted you all. Yep - muted or unfollowed.

Snapchat, I deleted it altogether. Instagram and Facebook, I came up with my own algorithm for unfollows and mutes. The closer you are to me/ the amount of content you post - determines how much or how little I mute you.

My best friend posts on social media once a blue moon (if that) - she isn't muted; I also don't get to see her as much as I used to, so I want to see bits and pieces that she does post.

Family members; I have a few that post daily, if not multiple times a day - mute, unfollow, mute, and mute. When I see them, and they tell me something, I am genuinely interested and happy to hear it all because it is all new information.

Celebs, bloggers that interest me and other creative things I like to look at - post constantly, but none of them are muted because it does not make me feel drained to watch them. I have no personal connection to any of them - it's just interesting to me.

It is honestly nothing personal to those who may be reading this and realising, "haaaang on a minute, she hasn't like anything of mine in ages!?!" I couldn't handle it all anymore. It did take some time to adjust because I would feel bad and search for people at first. After all, there was that "addiction" to knowing - but just because I can know it doesn't mean that I should. Not if it is not helpful for my mental health.

None of this is about being good or bad, wrong or right - it's about looking at things as either helpful or unhelpful.

For me, some social media exposure has been unhelpful. So I have adjusted it so that it is no longer unhelpful.

If you are feeling burnt out, drained or even annoyed at some things that you are exposed to - maybe take a look at what content makes you feel that way, take stock and maybe try my method. It may be short term, and it could be long term. It doesn't hurt to give it a try, and the process is reversible.

If you need help muting or even unfollowing (depends on the platform) - let me know! I can tell you how to find it. Oh, I will add that this is NOT unfriending people; it is what it suggests "muting" the content people post.

AJ xo